Kenyan Humour

From the BBC:   “And here’s Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago.” (David Coleman..BBC Sports Commentator)

Are there any Lions left in Kenya??

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven , God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. “Where have you been?” God took a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made!”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” “It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.” “Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,” God continued pointing to different countries.
“This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.” The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land in the eastern part of Africa and said, “What’s that one?”
“Ah,” said God. “That’s Kenya the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, mountains, streams, hills, and water falls.
The people from Kenya are going to be very handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world holding good jobs. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace and go to the Olympics.” Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!”
God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the clowns that will run their government.”………

 

Got a good joke?…send it to us, at info@kenyaforum.net

Shock, Horror……..Kenyan Elephants filmed having Sex ………

 

Dinner with a Girlfriend

Jamani, kwa wale jamaa zangu ambao huwa hawapitwi na kitu machoni kuweni makini, soma hii

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “Hello, could you give me some condoms?

I’m going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!” The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, “Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me andI think I might strike it lucky there too.”

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, “Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying,”Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us”.

A minute later the boy is still praying; “Thank you Lord for your kindness.” Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.The others look at each other surprised andhis girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”

The boy replies, “I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”

Hapo vipi ingekuwa wewe

Why I fired my secretary

Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought…

Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!”
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.?”
I said, “Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go straight back to the office,
Do We?”

I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”
She said, “Let’s drop by my apartment; it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind,
I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there…

On the couch…

Naked.

Zimbabwe military press conference

Raila Odinga Speech at the CSIS Washington DC, USA

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