Ask a single woman in Kenya why she is still single even though she seems to have almost everything a man would want in a woman – physically attractive, intelligent, a good career – she will most probably cite scarcity of good men as her chief reason.
A survey released last week by consumer market research firm Ipsos-Synovate, shows that 44 per cent of women dislike infidelity among men. (It is difficult to judge whether this is a surprising result or not. That women dislike infidelity in men is surely no surprise. That under half of the women surveyed said so is a surprise, isn’t it?).
The same survey however, registered 45 per cent of men saying they hate indecent dressing among women.
GOOD MEN ARE HARD TO FIND…
The Kenya Forum is not sure what can be done regarding the infidelity of men but if the above findings are anything to go by, women might just have to reconsider the agenda behind their dressing and attitude to the Kenyan male if they want to hold on to ‘a good one’!
Most women dress for two main reasons: to impress if not to ‘kill’ men and to outdo their fellow women. Men on the hand are said to be visual creatures, right? So how come they don’t find it appealing when a woman rocks that miniskirt or those tight trousers if the study is anything to go by?
DO WOMEN HAVE IT WRONG WHEN IT COMES TO DRESSING FOR MEN?
A good number of men feel that in most cases the desire for women to dress to outdo each other overrides the desire to dress to impress men. The male of the species would prefer that ‘their women’ would dress to impress them (i.e. men) and this means in particular the man in their life.
Perhaps this explains why women will always take extra time to dress for occasions where the population of women will be higher compared to that of men, for example at weddings and the women Chamas. It’s an observation with which ‘Sammy Sam’ agrees when asked by this Forum correspondent, adding that he has noticed ladies in his church dress outstandingly during their ladies seminars, compared to the usual Sunday services.
THE MALE MENTALITY
A heated discussion on the same topic in a recent TV show revealed that men are very concerned particularly about what the women in their lives wear. The K24 TV show Mentality, seeks to give the men’s perspective on different issues, especially where matters concerning family and relationships are concerned.
Edward Kwach, the ever controversial media personality and one of the hosts of the show argued that as a man you should always have a say in what the lady in your life wears, an opinion that was refuted by the guest speaker Pierra Makena, who was of the opinion that a man should go with what his woman dons as long as she feels good and comfortable in it.
LESSON No. 1
The first lesson the Kenyan woman should learn as far as her dressing is concerned is that as much as men are visual creatures, decency is more attractive to them.
A man might notice the cleavage of another woman on the street simply because he is a visual creature but he might not approve of his girlfriend or wife revealing more of her cleavage just to get his attention. The fact that her mode of dressing is giving other men ‘ideas’, just makes the man uncomfortable.
As Kwach put it, “Yes, I might notice how hot the other chic looks in her hot pants in the club, but at the end of the day I am with you.”
WOMEN HATE INFIDELITY IN MEN: JUST WHO IS FOOLING WHO?
That 44 per cent of women according to the study, cited infidelity as the most annoying thing they find in a man, leaves this correspondent wondering, just who are the partners in this social crime?
Try this scenario: a single woman in Kenya is having an affair with a married man and yet she claims that there are no good men left, or rather all men are ‘dogs’. What do we call her again?
Christine ‘Walcott’ argues on a discussion in Facebook that she wouldn’t mind being the other woman to a man who is in a committed relationship as this assures her that she is the only woman the man has ‘on the side’, unlike with a single guy who could be having a string of women and you can never tell just which number you are in line. Talk of women being their worst enemies!
LESSON No. 2
The second lesson the Kenyan woman should learn as far as being the “other woman” is concerned is that a married man can have an affair with you but he will never leave his wife for you.
If you are a woman who falls into this category, you are already selling yourself short and chances are this is what you will always be for the rest of your life, the other woman and a partner in this ‘crime’ of infidelity.
FOR THE LOVE OF THE BOTTLE…
In the Ipsos-Synovate survey women also identified alcoholism as another annoying habit among Kenyan men, however most women in Nairobi can give men a run for their money as far as consumption of alcohol goes.
A joke going around the social media tells it all: “gone are the days Kenyan women used to cook like their mothers, they now drink like their fathers”.
‘George’ says he doesn’t mind hanging out with women who consume alcohol but claims that he can never marry any of them. “I am a social guy who clubs a lot”, he says, “and the things I see women engage in under the influence is sickening. I can’t picture the mother to my kids in such a woman”.
LESSON No. 3
The third lesson the Kenyan woman should learn is about alcohol: it is not so much a question of how much a man drinks, if at all, the fact is that he expects his woman to be noble, and if having too much of a drink will take this away, she had better keep off.
Finally, a man’s ego means everything to him Kenyan women have done a pretty good job in crashing their men’s ego in recent times. Modernisation and women empowerment has seen the rise of a different breed of women who are out to prove that ‘what a man can do, a woman can do better’.
‘Mwangi’ says that his marriage was ok until the wife started earning more than he did and everything changed drastically. “It doesn’t bother me that she earns more, but that she looks down on me and doesn’t respect me and that is unacceptable”, he says.
LESSON No. 4
So to the fourth lesson of day for Kenyan woman to learn is, a man’s ego is everything to him, boost it and you win his heart, crash it and he will run away from you as far as his legs can take him.
P.S. It has “kicked off” among the Kenya Forum team because of this posting. Half of the males on the team don’t agree with the other males and none of them seem to agree with the women. 50 per cent of the women on the team don’t agree with the other 50 per cent and none of them seem to agree with any of the males.
Dear Kenya Forum readers, please, add your comments to help resolve the issue!