So now we have it, the tag-teams for the next election in Kenya have been announced and handed to the Registrar of Political Parties.
In the orange corner, fighting out of Kisumu, the ‘Luo Liquidator’, Prime Minister Raila Odinga and his partner the ‘Machakos Masher’, Vice-President Kalonzo Musyoka!
In the red corner, the ‘Nyeri Annihilator’, the ‘TNA Terminator’ himself, Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta and his tag-team partner, the ‘Eldoret Eliminator’, big Bill Ruto!
Standing as ‘seconds’, in the corner, for Odinga and Kalonzo, Moses Wetangula. For Kenyatta and Ruto, Mvita MP Najib Balala.
Still out in the crowd are Musalia Mudavadi, Eugene Walmalwa, Peter Kenneth and Raphael Tuju.
THIS COULD BE BLOODY!
Both teams say the contest will be fought fairly, based on the issues and free from insults but we’ve heard that before: expect a fair bit of eye-gouging, ear-biting and rabbit punching when the referee isn’t looking.
It could end up looking like the aftermath of a terrible crash, particularly if the Wiper doesn’t work on the Tinga Tinga! [Sorry folks, you have to be Kenya to get that one!].
THIS COULD MEAN HANDBAGS…
It’s not unusual in these tag-wrestling contests for one of the contestants to be thrown out of the ring and attacked by a woman wielding a handbag. Who knows which contestant will be assaulted by Martha Karua or Charity Ngilu, or which side of the ring they will be on come the end of the fight.
WHO WILL DECIDE?
This contest will be the best of two rounds and will be decided by the people of Kenya, Kofi Annan, possibly by the International Criminal Court (ICC) in the Hague, or even by money from the United States of America.
Surely there is a shorter and cheaper way to decide these things? Okay, consideration was given to just holding a drinking competition between Odinga and Kenyatta but who knows who would have won that one.
TOO CLOSE TO CALL FOLKS!
It’s all too close to call folks. Latest betting has Odinga and Kalonzo beating Kenyatta and Ruto by 52 to 48 but no one knows for sure what will happen when the votes of the judges have been counted (and possibly re-counted, and re-counted…).
“Seconds out! – Round one”!